* Any change works for a maximum of 3 holes and a minimum of not at all.
* No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
* Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
* When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
* Golfers who claim they don’t cheat, also lie.
* If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
* The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
* The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.
* If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.
* It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
* Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
* A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
* It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.
* Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
* Non-chalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
* The shortest distance to the green is a straight line that passes directly through the center of the very large tree directly in front of you.
* There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
* You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
* Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
* If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
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